Christmas 2009 turned out to be very special in several ways.
Today I was thinking about Christmases past and realized I don't have many memories specifically of Christmas when I was young. I have memories of Christmas at school because at school we made a big deal out of it. We had gift exchanges, special games that day, singing the Christmas songs (yes, including many songs about Santa Claus). We always had a day just before Christmas that we did not do lessons but did special Christmas stuff all day. Those were the days we pushed all the desks up against each wall of the little one-room schoolhouse (plus an entry) there near Clark, Missouri and we would play games that involved the whole school including the teacher. Later we would exchange greetings, get candy and oranges and stuff like that from the teacher and exchange gifts. We had exchanged names earlier. Actually I can't remember having a program for the parents. I really don't think we did. Later when we (Mom and I) were teachers we did have programs for the parents and that was the big Christmas thing but back in the day in Clark I don't think we really had any Christmas programs.
Then on the actual Christmas day I have very few memories. Seems like perhaps we often went to Aunt Edna's house but we didn't call it that. We just called it 'Elmers". We went to Elmers a lot so they all blend together. But we often went to other people as well when we were invited. I remember the big dinners and things like that. Christmas as a day became more special to me, at least the way I remember it now, after I was a teenager and we moved to Michigan. Now we were closer to Indiana and all the aunts and uncles in the area, so we often got together around Thanksgiving or Christmas with all the aunts and uncles and cousins. Those were special times. I remember the uncles telling all kinds of stories about when they were younger.
After we were married it became more about family, at least the way I remember it. I am not sure just how soon we started having a big deal with the family at home for Christmas, but it definitely was already happening in Montana, perhaps in Tennessee. Before that it was usually something we did with the extended family, such as a dinner or something. For me it was also marked in Amish church, as at Christmas you would restart the year with the scriptures that were to be used in Amish church service. You would start real close to Christmas with Luke 1 and 2 as the chapters of choice for reading that Sunday in church. Then it would be followed by Matthew 2 and 3 (usually including part of chapter 1), and then the year would follow the pattern that was set by tradition.
Today for us it has become, and rightfully so, a family thing. And that is exactly what happened in New Mexico this year. We all somehow got there, strangling in over a day or so. Actually it probably wasn't that bad, but some of us had more snow and ice to deal with than others. Personally we had a very nice drive to NM and then a very nice drive home. The Lord was good to put the snow up just a bit higher in elevation that I didn't really have to live in it every day, but we were able to go up into the snow and the children had especial fun in it.
When we did the family picture in front of the tree, starting with Mom and then working our way through the family, that was special. Somehow it brought back memories of bygone times, when the family was smaller. It wasn't always like this, and it won't stay like this for long. The most sure thing about life and living is that there will be change. There will be births.........and marriages....and inevitably.......deaths.
Somehow I was abruptly reminded of that when the tree was being decorated and Joseph brought out his contribution -- the little egg shaped balls with every persons name painted on them. I didn't think of it right away, and nobody else did either. But all of a sudden it hit me, and I knew I had to do something about it right away. Not everybody understood right away what was happening to me, but suddenly the memories of Timothy hit me so hard that I knew we had to do something about it, and now. I don't blame Joseph for forgetting. And I don't blame anyone else for not understanding right away. But suddenly it all came flooding back and I knew I had to do something right away. I was so thankful when one of you came up with the cross to hang there on the tree, along with all of our names, in memory of Timothy L. Graber, 1981-1981.
The following morning when we were taking the family pictures -- and again appropriately we took one special photo of where Timothy was missing.When all of this went down back in 1981 I suppose I did not show as much emotion as I could have. But it did hurt, and there is a spot for Timothy in my heart yet. This Christmas my whole family was there, and the memory of Timothy was very fittingly included. There was just a bit more healing going on. And a bit more understanding. And a bit more of surrendering to God knowing that He sees the bigger picture when we don't. And also knowing that we just saw a bit more of that bigger picture.
There are many other memories. Coffee in the morning (from a pot that brews before you get up, but often didn't!). Mountains. Clear air. Quiet. Quiet that you could hear early mornings outside. Four wheeler rides. Games played together. Pool shot. Candy ate. Memories shared. Food cooked. Food ate together. Watching wondrous expressions on the faces of grandkids. Grandkids who were experiencing new memories but didn't realize yet how important those memories were. Knowing that somewhere out there was a great big world and stuff was going on. But for us, it was right there in that valley. On those mountains. In that house. Memories we will never forget as long as we live.
We all left there and have now gone back to our everyday lives. But somehow, those days together in NM are a link to who we where before to who we are now. And for me especially, have connected the past to the present in a way that never happened before. And I am glad for it. I really enjoyed it.
